Why Some People Only Tell Their Story to Strangers
Launch library · evergreen read
It is a familiar pattern to anyone who has collected family stories over time, a relative who has stayed quiet for years about a difficult period will sometimes open up readily to a stranger, an interviewer, a researcher with no stake in the family's ongoing dynamics.
Telling a story to family carries risk that telling it to a stranger simply does not carry in the same way. There is the risk of upsetting someone, of reopening an old disagreement, of being remembered afterwards as the person who said the difficult thing out loud at a family gathering, in front of everyone.
Recognising this pattern can help families collect their own fuller history more effectively over time. It sometimes means bringing in an outside interviewer, rather than simply assuming that a story withheld from them will ever eventually be told within the family itself, however patiently everyone continues to wait for it to surface.